in the beginning

All things have a beginning and an end. This blog begins on August 3, 2004 and will end at some point in the future. My life had a beginning, many years ago, and will eventually end, which of course will simply begin the next life which has no end. This world had a beginning, I don't know when that was and I don't care to try and figure it out, and it will have an end also. When that end will come and the process of trying to figure it out is something I don't really care about. What I do care about is the fact that it did have a beginning and an end. That tells me someone or something started it and someone or something will end it. I call that power 'God' although I have very little understanding of who or what exactly God is.
I know surface things about Him. I know surface prayers and surface religion. I know the God of sunday school and songs and late night discussions over beer and coffee, but I don't really know Him. How he began this whole thing is a mystery to me other than a book that says 'in the beginning God created...'. For now, that will have to do.
I want to know more than surface things. I want to know more than the simple 'God is love' that everyone I know gives as an answer when I ask about God. Love, isn't enough. I've known good love and bad love. I've seen love that was used and misused to the point that it didn't resemble any concept of love that I have ever experienced. I've seen all sorts of terrible things done in the name of love. I've known erotic love, sensual love, passionate love, cold love, love of things that were not good for me and of people that weren't good for me. I've known love that has blinded me to the realities of life. I've never known perfect love. I wouldn't know it if it hit me in the face. Sometimes the things I thought I loved, I ended up hating and the people I once loved, I learned to hate. The love I know is imperfect and selfish and gets me in more trouble time and time again.
So, this beginning is really a journey to discover love, to discover God, and to find myself somewhere in that journey.